Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
