I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He better not be in your backpack
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
