If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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