Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
