I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
