Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
