The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
