don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
