My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
