her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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