I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
