in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
