He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
