Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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