I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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