If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
