I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He called his prostate his "boner button".
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
