"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
