I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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