it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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