I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
