Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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