hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
