it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
