i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
