I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
