Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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