Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
