my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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