why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
