he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
