I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
