fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
