Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
