I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
