i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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