I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
