It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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