i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
