It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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