umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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