Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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