I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
