I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
