I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
