I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
