was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
