You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
