3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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