I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
