i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
