If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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