Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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