I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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