i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
