haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
where am i from again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
