Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
