We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
