Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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