There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
