you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
