how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
