My underwear smells like fireworks.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
