i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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