If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
