Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
