trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
