it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
