question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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