The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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