ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
