we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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