Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
