I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
