Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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