I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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