1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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