apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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