Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
